Not Even Lions

Yes Not even Lions nor am I going to let Ana tear us apart. . .

Saturday night:  Meeting Curtis for dinner. . .  and damn Ana had to come with us.  Before we left I was wanting something to eat bc the last time I ate was about 10 that morning which we not a lot. 2 pancakes. So I got in the car and well Ana just had to join me on that. And well Curtis ask me what I wanted to eat I told him I really didn’t care.. then we started naming all the places in Anderson there is to eat. (there are lots of places to eat….) Then it started getting too much for me and I could not handle it. Then Ana started saying you don’t want anything to eat that you are already big and you don’t need anything just well she was messing with my head and making me think of bad things and talking bad about Curtis… saying her just like your father, Chris and so on…. We ended up at Sonic… I didn’t want anything. I told Curtis I didn’t want anything and that I was sick of eating fast food. So we left and I just yelled out well said why does everything have to revolve around food.  He got upset, but didn’t say anything to me. We got back to Mergon I would not talk to him. He went back to work I sat in the parking lot and cried… Ana won’t leave me alone.

But I am not going to let her take Curtis away I am not going to let her Push him away. Which well Ana is me. He said he was sorry as did I.

I love him.

Courtney <3

A Holiday to Remember. . .

Happy December!!
It’s not the 1st day of winter, but it sure does feel like it this morning. I woke up at 6:30 AM went out to my car and there was frost. How crazy is that? I got to wear my winter coat for the real 1st time. lol I am real excited about this holiday which I say that is bc 1oth is the last day of 1st semster. So I have month off of school. This Dec. is going to be exciting I am spending Christmas and doing Christmas with Curtis this year. That I never thought I would do. After Christmas Curtis and I are driving up to Maine to spend New Year’s with my Mother. !!! This is going to be so much fun. We get to see real snow and lots of it.

One thing I love about the holidays is that I get to make all kinds of goodies (: I was looking at Better Homes Mag this morning and saw many things I like to try this year. When it comes to sweets that is. So whatever I bake will post photos and if any good I post the awesome part that makes it. lol I also post them on Twitter and Facebook. Which u find my Twitter updates on the right and my Facebook link is in my About me page.  

 

Also started the Christmas season off by riding for toy for tots in Anderson on last Sunday. That was a big thing. I say there were over 600 bikers. This is not the best of photo…. I forgot my Cam. so This is all I have of that day. (sorry) 

Well I am not sure what else to write at the moment. Had a Great Thanksgiving with Curtis. Hurt by some of my family but thats another post of another day. I post some more later.

love,
Courtney

For the One that is Lost

I am here for you. You say I don’t understand, I do. I know it might a little strange talking to me, but I was raised not to judge and to love and to care for everyone. You are a beautiful young woman that can do anything. I might not know you all that well but you going to do great things. I just want to say I am always here if you need to talk, I am here if you need a shoulder, I am here if you want to have a good time, I am here if you ok. All u have to do is text or call me girly.

love u
Courtney

A Rainy but Amazedly Good Day (:

Hi!!
It is a new week, how great is that? haha Well my week started off by a crazy depressing stressful Monday. Which I did things that I shouldn’t have… Which I mean by that is WHY CAN’T I FOR GET I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER, WHY CAN’T IT JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?? WHY DID I LET YOU COME INTO MY LIFE? HELL I THOUGHT YOU WERE AMAZING AND YOU WERE THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD HELP THE PAIN AND SO ON!!!  but I was wrong. . . ok what I am getting at is well I purged last night…. stupid stupid stupid me.  You how much I just Hate my ED/Ana… but well after I did I felt awesome though really I felt sad, depressed. So I cried and cried. Because I knew I should have not done it. Just I wish I could have had the normal family… But I am scared if that person that I shouldn’t have to be scared of. I don’t go to their House.  So I asked Curtis… Why does God let things happen the way they do? His answer… its a test but he also told me that He never gives more than you can take. ( what yall think about this?)

Anyways…. the good part is.. That today/ Tuesday is its a good day.. my hair looks great.  Feeling happy…. and that he loves me for me and that he doesn’t judge me bc of my ED. That last night was when you got home my heart little more stronger… I don’t really know how.. but it did. Slowly I am giving you my heart… Just I am scared to give it to you… But I do love you… I am yours…
Satellite Heart
Anya Marina <3

So Pretty, So Smart
Such A Waste Of A Young Heart
Whatta Pitty Whatta Sham
What’s The Matter With You Man?

Don’t You See What’s Wrong Can’t You Get It Right?
Outa Mind, And Outa Sight
Call On All The Girls, Don’t Forget The Boys, Put a Lid On All That Noise.

Im, A Satellite Heart
Lost In The Dark.
Im Spun Out So Far, You Stop I Start, But I’ll Be True To You

I Hear Your Living Out Of State Runnin In A Whole New Scene. You Know I Haven’t Slept In Weeks, Your The Only Thing I See

Im, A Satellite Heart
Lost In The Dark.
Im Spun Out So Far, You Stop I Start, But I’ll Be True To You (x2)

No Matter What You Do, Yeah I’ll Be True To You.

I love this song…. its so true… (:

Today is good…

Oh I found this mag today…. its a must read… For us women…

Thats it for today…

Court <3

Ps. I got the New Moon Soundtrack… its really good, I like it better than the Twilight one. Also I am still not sure who is going with to the Opening night… I update on that later. Anyways… I better go I have Art class soon.

I really don’t know what to say.

This post I am guessing is going to be short. I am just not feeling a post. But I still want to post so everyone out there still knows I am here. lol I am wanting to start posting things that might be worth reading, though the real reason why I blog is just to get out what think and feel. Right?

Well this week has been good. Been busy and lazy all week and now its the weekend for me that is. lol I want to do something. Though I have ton to do for school and I need to clean my apt again. Blue and Chelsea are at Curtis’ house, I have been at his house for like 7 days. lol And I am going back this afternoon.

I have an Art paper that is due the 30th… So I am going to be looking for some art work. I might keep yall posted on that. If I can remember. Also a New Moon Update…. My sister might not ever get to go opening night. Which really sucks. Now I am going to have to find someone to go with me. Maybe Curtis or I get some of the girls together that don’t have plans.. All I know is I am going lol. Alone or not. Tickets are on sell now (:

Right now I am at school writing this. I took my Art History test today I made a “c” on it. ugh which I can do so much better. Also I have set up my classes for the spring. Taking  Solar System Astronomy – AST 101 – 80, World Literature I – ENG 208 – 80, Western Civilization to 1689 – HIS 101 – 80, and Human Relations – PSY 103 – 80. They are online classes. I am looking for a job in anderson… Hmm I think thats about it for now.. If I get the time I might post something later.

Court <3

ps I do want to point out that I wish all this crazy drama and people need to learn just to get over it. Life is life.. Move on. And idk.. Just chill, live, love, laugh, and enjoy the world around u. Because it wont last forever.

I updated chelsea  Check it out.Chelsea Blog!!!

Halloween Weekend o)

Hey everyone!!

Ahhh its the spookiest time of the year…. yay!! I want to wish everyone a happy spooky safe and fun HALLOWEEN!!!

My Plans:
Cory a friend of a friend is having a party tonight, so I might go check it out while my baby Curtis is working. I am trying to get Kayla to go with me. I don’t like going alone to these types of things. Then Curtis and I are going Line Dancing this weekend. lol I never been and think it would be a blast. lol Also Another friend wants me to come to their party… its a maybe… Saturday Kayla and I might do something together. Thats HAlLOWEen (: I want to give out candy… I love doing that its so much fun seeing all the kids dressed up. Since Curtis is working this weekend I will be in Anderson/Easley this weekend and I am up with anything till he gets off. Since I crash at his place on the weekends lol I am silly. Ryan wants to get together too….

HMMM… I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!!!!! (:  My ED well it comes and goes… like yesterday didn’t eat all day till like real late and it was barely anything. The day before I don’t remember eating. But today I did have breakfast. But small. I tell myself I am fat all the time.. what if I just loose 10 pounds or at least 5 then I would be 140 to 145… thats not too bad??  Well I think it drives Curtis Crazy. He doesn’t really say anything about it, just that he worries and that he here for me… idk. Curtis is one amazing person. Thats all I can say… I am smitten … yes I am (: Right now I am watching Peyton

The dogs are doing great… Blue and Chelsea… I will soon update the doggie blog…. having two blogs is hard. Welll I hope every is good. I still do not have net at my place. BUt I might one day. lol

Also I have an awesome new hair style I post photos at the end…. hmmm… I hope this weekend will be fun and awesome. lol I am so so bored hahaha laters my friends.

 THis is what my costume kinda looks like lol I am a pin up girl

Things are Starting to Look Up

about the whole eating thing… It was two days ago I went to good old wal-mart and my sister went with me and I brought so things to eat and cook with. Which is good just I have not really cooked anything yet… I am not big on cooking anything as yall know I love to bake. I have ate today yay!! as the following

• Breakfast Bowl of Cheerios with soy milk and a banana
• Dinner/Lunch half of a cheese burger and some fries…

I know it aint much but it is better than nothing right? Maybe later on tonight I will have a midnight treat..
Well anyways I am at my sister’s washing some clothes then headed to the good old apt.. soon photos will come… I got to get the place looking super clean. Ryan and his gf, Brittany are coming over tomorrow night to stay… That should be fun. Curtis is coming over tonight!! He is off Thursday and all weekend.. We are going to go to the State Fair Friday… Maybe I think he said he go with me. lol I have not been since I was like 10 years old. It should be really funI take photos so I post them… We are doing good. Also I get my braces off Monday!!! .

Then Saturday it one of Curtis Birthday which we are going too. Hmm anyways I got Chelsea a new buddy his name is Blue or Blue Bear I will post all of that on her Blog. Hmm well i got to get back to my clothes then off to walk the dogs and clean some.. I will post more tomorrow if I can. lots of love

Court <3 

Losing Control.

Ever since I have moved into my apartment, I feel like I am losing control again over Ana… (I will soon post photos) Living on my own I feel not the the need to eat. Its amazing feeling when I don’t eat.. sometimes. Today I have ate. For dinner I had a half sandwich at Panera Bread. Tiffany and Curtis worry that I don’t eat and its so hard to  since there is no one at the house telling me I should eat or cooking or eating. Beside Chelsea.. I do good when I am with them, but when I am alone food is the farest thing from my mind. I have not talked to anyone about I how I feel… I tried talking to Curtis about it yesterday but didn’t know how to say it. He knows about my ex ED but some how or another she trying to peak back into my life. Like if I say I am going to fast this weekend and if i was alone.. I could so do it.. I know its not something I should do. Just I am starting to lose control and its super hard not to.. I have to be in control of my life but its not looking good.. I am scared that if I I don’t gain control back soon its not going to look pretty. Though I love the feeling of being thin and the feeling that I don’t need to food.. though really for be to be able to live I need to eat.

All I know is Ana is trying to come back I can feel her.. I need to talk to Ervin..

Well I am at Panera Bread waiting on Curtis… He is becoming my everything… he is growing on me… I am falling for him… ( am scared silly of that.) I want to tell him.. I am not in love with him it is too early for that. But I care for him, I love him just not in love.. if that makes sense. It will just take time.. that is if I want it to lead down that way. I will never say it though… I love you are 3 strong words and you have to be strong and so on to be able to say them.. Wow I am rambling on..

Oh honey you are never getting him back

lots of love

Court

I am Not Going to Let Anyone Stand in Our Way

It saids it all.  I am sick in tired of reading all this crap. I don’t care if you see this or not, I am pissed off. You want to call me a bitch I can show you a bitch. Don’t be bashing me all of the net, you don’t know me. And yes you are obesse with him that is not healthy. I am sorry but you have taken it way too far and you need to stop. I am not saying names because its not right without asking. So if a stranger reads this they have no idea who I am talking about or anyone. My blog was not created to bash people or to hurt anyone, it was created to get out my feelings into words. So in this post I am going to write how I feel about everything that has to deal with this.

Ok I feel like this person move on with their life and be happy that the person is happy where he is with and where he is at in life. This person really loved him they would respect his wishes and understand that he doesn’t want to be with them. I am sorry if he doesn’t want to be with you that he choose me over you. It might not be in God’s well for you two to be together. Though I don’t know if it is meant for us to be together either it will take time to tell. I know I am only like 2 1/2 years older than you but honey you are so young and have your whole life head of you. I thought at your age I wanted to get married and start a family. I want to get married but not now, I like to finish school. But what this person did the other night/day was not right. Coming into someone home in the middle of the night without being invited in… Thats breaking the law, and for one its very rude.  Also if this person thinks what they did would break us up do this person really think they get him back…. If I was him I wouldn’t take the person back and risk getting cheated on again. I don’t think so. Thats one thing I hate is cheaters. How could anyone cheat on someone the you say and show you love and care about??? I am sorry like I told him if I ever hear, see,or catch him cheating… I will be gone and I will never look back. I don’t give 2nd chances to cheaters. 

Just one last thing…. Stop what you doing… you are only hurting yourself.  He is mine and no one is going to take him away from me. I am not wanting to fight, bc it won’t solve nothing. You need to go out and live your life there is someone out there for you, just He is just not that one for you.  So like they say is on True Blood… Sookie is mine… haha miss that show.

Court <3

Ps Blue is one beautiful dog.. another play date in 2 weeks (:

Huddle House

Hello everyone I am sitting here at the good old huddle house in good old Greenwood. Its open 24 hours and has free internet! Since at my new apt has none. ): I am not willing to pay for it if I go places and use it for free, like huddle house, waffle house, Ihop, Pearna Bread, and Starbucks (: haha  Anyways. I am in my new apt. It is looking super cute, I will post photos as soon as I can.

I am getting Chelsea a buddy she hates being alone when I am gone to class and so on. SO this is going to be good for her. The dog I am looking at is

His name is Blue and he is a full blooded Siberian Husky, he is 4 years old. His owner is looking for a loving home for him. (: <3

Well he is super cute we are hoping to meet him Saturday. I will keep yall updated. Anyways this weekend was great, moved into my apt, Curtis stayed with me all weekend… I really miss him. He is amazing and more amazing. I hope I get to see him this weekend. I might just have to drive up there one night and surprise  him ((: Well I am on the phone with, update later.

Court <3