Ever since I have moved into my apartment, I feel like I am losing control again over Ana… (I will soon post photos) Living on my own I feel not the the need to eat. Its amazing feeling when I don’t eat.. sometimes. Today I have ate. For dinner I had a half sandwich at Panera Bread. Tiffany and Curtis worry that I don’t eat and its so hard to since there is no one at the house telling me I should eat or cooking or eating. Beside Chelsea.. I do good when I am with them, but when I am alone food is the farest thing from my mind. I have not talked to anyone about I how I feel… I tried talking to Curtis about it yesterday but didn’t know how to say it. He knows about my ex ED but some how or another she trying to peak back into my life. Like if I say I am going to fast this weekend and if i was alone.. I could so do it.. I know its not something I should do. Just I am starting to lose control and its super hard not to.. I have to be in control of my life but its not looking good.. I am scared that if I I don’t gain control back soon its not going to look pretty. Though I love the feeling of being thin and the feeling that I don’t need to food.. though really for be to be able to live I need to eat.
All I know is Ana is trying to come back I can feel her.. I need to talk to Ervin..
Well I am at Panera Bread waiting on Curtis… He is becoming my everything… he is growing on me… I am falling for him… ( am scared silly of that.) I want to tell him.. I am not in love with him it is too early for that. But I care for him, I love him just not in love.. if that makes sense. It will just take time.. that is if I want it to lead down that way. I will never say it though… I love you are 3 strong words and you have to be strong and so on to be able to say them.. Wow I am rambling on..
Oh honey you are never getting him back
lots of love