Ok, I post a blog earlier today saying that i was upset, yes I was very upset. The real reason why was bc of the ana. (eating disorder) If you have read my past blogs you know little on how I feel about the problem and so on. Yes she won today, she was in control today.
See the reason why I was upset bc Ana was upset with me BC!!! I wasn’t showing her any thanks or letting her in on today, but her fear in me got the better in me. I was down and depressed and it was rainy, and I wasn’t going to eat or do anything I had plan today. Bc she didn’t me to, yes I let her took control today. I had only 400 cals today, if I still let be me I would be jumping up and down, but I don’t want her to be so I am down and was upset. IT WAS HER!!!!!!!!!! not me. I just gave in, so to a point yeah it was my fault.
But my point is…..I am tired of people blaming my faults on other people and taking up for me, saying that I do no wrong that I am right and they are wrong. I dont like it. Because I am tired of letting them do that, I am tired of people butting in when ever they please. But then why do I do this blog?????
answer: to vent to let others know they aren’t alone in this world, to help others and to get better, not to get comments saying its not my fault when I know it is. I am the one who let her in. She didn’t let herself in. I made the choice no once else did. No one told me I had to take Ana in. I did, i am the one who asked her in. But then again, people may have cause her to come into my life. But the one I truly love and care about, loves me for who I am. He not trying to change me. He didn’t causes her to come into my life. Ana has been in my life for the past four years. Ana is the one who is trying to take away what makes me happy in life. Not the one I love. She is. so for all the ones who thinks they know who trying to take all the joy and love and happiness away can just go away!!!!!!
IF you truly care and want to see me happy take Ana away!! Not my love. Its my and her fault and no one elses! But you can’t take her away, the only way you make her leave is by me telling her to go away. And you know what it not easy. She comes and goes. and sometimes she never leaves. And sometimes I don’t want her to leave, bc thats the only thing i know, but you know what thats her talking not me.
But I do want to say thank you for all the help from the ones who know and understands whats going on, bc you really don’t understand till it happens to.. you
Same goes for love…